Establishing Personal Boundaries

Hello my Beautiful Sisters,

Sorry I’ve been away but I will jump right into it. I have so much to share.

Establishing boundaries is an absolute necessity. No exaggeration! Using my own personal experience here and from my observations of friends, family and my students; females have great difficulty with setting boundaries. Why? One reason comes to mind “ FEAR”. We want to be liked. Period.

Many of us are mothers, sisters, and friends who do not set boundaries. Well ladies we must start. Now! Not after dinner. Or tomorrow’s soccer game or friends party or the next email. Now.

Learning to set personal boundaries is uber healthy for us. Did you hear that? Just like that next doctor’s appointment you were setting up for your daughter. I did one earlier. Setting personal boundaries is not only healthy it is a form of communication to others. Yes communication. We are at best vocally declaring our right to show we have self respect  and we know enough about our self worth not to disregard it.

Oh and by the way we can set personal boundaries and maintain healthy relationships with all of our love ones. Here’s another important note: we can’t enjoy our relationships without setting personal boundaries.

So, here’s 5 ways to end the cycle:

Say No

So many of us are people pleasers and to be honest I am still one to an extent but I’m learning. You see I never want to appear selfish so I put my needs last or never even acknowledge them. Well…be selfish. A certain amount is necessary for self preservation. If I’m tired now I say I’m tired or if I don’t want to go somewhere… I say so. Ladies it’s actually quite liberating.

Limitations

Know your limitations.  Simple. Well maybe not so simple but it’s a place to start. In everything it is important to know what you accept and what you do not. What do you find acceptable to your emotional and physical needs? Once you know your limitations you can communicate those to others. It’s definitely a process.

Assert yourself

Be Assertive

This is certainly not a call to action to go screaming “ I will not take it anymore” Lol although there are moments for that (ME) but it is strongly recommended you stand up for yourself and  give your voice the opportunity to be heard.

Expecting others to automatically know how you feel or how situations affect you is a recipe for disaster.  Being assertive doesn’t apply only to your job but also with your friends and family. I recommend starting with a family member; that should be fun.

Believe in yourself

Believe in Yourself

We are the best people to ask: what are our boundaries? Trust and spend some quiet time learning all your nooks and crannies. Evaluate yourself when you are at work, school, with family, friends, and with your significant other. What actions did you find you had a reaction to? Good and bad. Don’t let others make those decisions for you.

The respect we have for ourselves starts with believing. We know ourselves better than others. Knowing we are unique and special in every way earns us the right to personal boundaries.

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge is Power

Well in order for us to set personal boundaries we must first know what happens when we don’t:

  • Giving more than you have to give.
  • Going against your personal values to please others.
  • Letting others tell you who you are.
  • Not using your voice to speak up when you are treated badly.
  • Allowing others to disrespect you or your wants.
  • Accepting touches (sexual or otherwise) you don’t want.

AND MY PERSONAL NEMESIS…

  • Feeling guilty for saying no.

Setting personal boundaries is not SELFISH it’s SELF-PRESERVATION.

Empower yourself,

Aminah